“THIS STORY IS BASED ON REAL INCIDENTS OF MY LIFE”
My only wife, Smitha thinks that I work(?) extremely hard at my office with entire responsibilities of my organization on my shoulders, in this very small age of mine. At least I have created that level of impression in her mind.
Everyday when I return home, she treats me as if I am an astronaut (wearing an oversized white helmet with antenna), landing back on earth from a deadly “man on mars mission” or sometimes she makes me feel proud like I am a victorious soldier returning home after a successful midnight surgical strike across the border.
As an orthodox woman, every evening she waits for me, hours together standing near the gate. As soon as I arrive, she rushes near my car to grab open the car door just to collect my double barrel empty lunch bag. Once I slide on the sofa, I am served with at least 9 to 11 varieties of home made hot snacks and freshly brewed coffee. While I keep munching the snacks, Smitha wipes my face with her scented dupatta, which really irritates & disturbs me from watching serious policy discussions on women empowerment & economic development by Shri Rahul Gandhi on TV.
I observe a sense of fear on Smitha’s face about the critical feedback that I may deliver on the taste levels of the snacks that she just served me. While all this is going on, my son Aditya is busy fanning me with a (high quality) Chinese hand fan. I notice, his hands and the edge of his multi colour chaddi, vibrate at equal velocity, out of fear and respect towards his Aappaji.
Well, that is the kind of culture & discipline I have strictly enforced at my home. But my innocent wife Smitha, credits her mother in law for teaching her, these valuable life lessons.
“CORRECTION TO DISCLAIMER”
“THIS STORY IS NOT FULLY BASED ON REAL INCIDENTS OF MY LIFE,HALF OF IT IS MY OWN IMAGINATION”
But one Friday, as I returned home from office, things were not same. Smitha was not seen near the gate to open my car door & collect my double barrel empty lunch box. I was anguished. What the hell is happening? I asked myself, as I was deeply worried about the family values, tradition, culture & discipline all being ignored.
Curious me, rushed inside the house to check where my wife is. As I entered the kitchen, I was shocked to see the scene. I adjusted my fallen jaw, gathered some courage and went close to Smitha and asked her:
Me: OMG, what happened? why are you crying? Honey, what’s the matter?
My wife: (Raised her pitch even higher). Bad news !!! she screamed.
Me: What? Wha ttt.. bad news?
My wife: Srigowri is hospitalized, she has slipped into deep coma!
Me: Aiyyoo!!! what was the problem? what are the doctors saying?
My wife: she has kidney problem. Doctors say, nothing in their hands now, only god can save her.
Me: Very sad, last week only, her husband was hospitalised is it? now Srigowri is also in hospital, Whole family is serious.Who is taking care of Srigowri? her mother in law is it?
My wife: Chi chi , Srigowri’s mother in law is an evil woman, because of her mother in law’s torture only she is in hospital now. All mother in laws are same, she said it, staring at me!!!
(As things were getting heated up, I slowly tried to escape from the scene.)
Vikki…. Smitha stopped me and said …. coffee?
While I was happy about family values, tradition, culture & discipline being restored, I said, NO honey, it’s OK, you please take rest today. Rulayegi kya pagli? I said with tears in my eyes.What Smitha actually meant was, She expected ME to prepare coffee.
“AGAIN CORRECTION TO DISCLAIMER”
“ACTUALLY, THIS STORY IS BASED ON REAL INCIDENTS OF MY LIFE”, PROMISE.
Handing over the hot cup of coffee to my wife, I told her not to worry about Srigowri, she will be fine and healthy and will soon be discharged from hospital.
Smitha started crying again like a half broken factory siren and asked me, how do you for sure know that Srigowri won’t die? Smitha asked me to explain.
I said, look it is pure logical calculation. Trust me Smitha, I am a Professor & research scholar, I know the calculation inside out. Srigowri, cannot die. I assure you.
Smitha out rightly rejected my thesis and said, “we all neighbours have discussed about Srigowri’s health conditions whole day standing on the road. Nobody is sure if Srigowri will survive. Corner house kamalakshi and opposite house ambujakshi are experts in such cases, they are saying days are over for Srigowri. I have even discussed Srigowri’s chances of survival with my mother & my sisters over the phone for last 3 hours. No hope. You are wrong Vikki”. Smitha striked back at me with all her usual vigour.
With a low voice, I said, I think Srigowri will survive.
But HOW? Can you explain your stupid logic vikki? She asked me, holding the fully bandaged TV remote in her hand.
I said, honey, because, the serial fully depends on the character of Srigowri , if she dies, TRP of the TV serial will plunge. The TV channel & the producers will lose money. Take a look at below stock price charts of popular TV serial companies.
These media companies do not manufacture any products nor they are into service industry, they mint money by selling “negative emotions”. The profit margins in this business is very high. The stock prices of these companies are climbing higher & higher.
Paradoxically, the more they make people cry, the more money these companies make. That is the power of drama, sadness & emotional torture. TV serials leveraging heavily on negative emotions are a big addiction which has consumed millions of women. People now have no interest in reading books, music, art work etc all they do is watch these intellectually bankrupt TV serials. Every male citizen of this country should make a firm resolution and demand the Modi government, a complete ban on TV serials. By saying this, I stopped my speech expecting my wife Smitha and my son Aditya to give me a standing ovation for opening their eyes and leading them to light from the darkness.
But then, first floor Saroja aunty jumped in huffing and puffing, she said, it is 7.00 pm, Serial is about to start, in today’s episode Srigowri’s mother in law may send professional foreign thieves to steal 2 kg gold ornaments worn by Srigowri (even on the death bed!).
Will Srigowri wake up from coma and fight the professional thieves like a bat woman?
To be continued
Disclaimer: Sorry, this is a poor man’s blog, I do not get advertising revenue to continue the story. This is it!