Saas Bahu aur Stock Price

                                                           “DISCLAIMER”

    “THIS STORY IS BASED ON REAL INCIDENTS OF MY LIFE” 

My only wife, Smitha thinks that I work(?) extremely hard at my office with entire responsibilities of my organization on my shoulders, in this very small age of mine. At least I have created that level of impression in her mind.

Everyday when I return home, she treats me as if I am an astronaut (wearing an oversized white helmet with antenna), landing back on earth from a deadly “man on mars mission” or sometimes she makes me feel proud like I am a victorious soldier returning home after a successful midnight surgical strike across the border.

As an orthodox woman, every evening she waits for me, hours together standing near the gate. As soon as I arrive, she rushes near my car to grab open the car door just to collect my double barrel empty lunch bag. Once I slide on the sofa, I am served with at least 9 to 11 varieties of home made hot snacks and freshly brewed coffee. While I keep munching the snacks, Smitha wipes my face with her scented dupatta, which really irritates & disturbs me from watching serious policy discussions on women empowerment & economic development by Shri Rahul Gandhi on TV.

I observe a sense of fear on Smitha’s face about the critical feedback that I may deliver on the taste levels of the snacks that she just served me. While all this is going on, my son Aditya is busy fanning me with a (high quality) Chinese hand fan. I notice, his hands and the edge of his multi colour chaddi, vibrate at equal velocity, out of fear and respect towards his Aappaji.

Well, that is the kind of culture & discipline I have strictly enforced at my home. But my innocent wife Smitha, credits her mother in law for teaching her, these valuable life lessons.

            “CORRECTION TO DISCLAIMER”

“THIS STORY IS NOT FULLY BASED ON REAL INCIDENTS OF MY LIFE,HALF OF IT IS MY OWN IMAGINATION”

But one Friday, as I returned home from office, things were not same. Smitha was not seen near the gate to open my car door & collect my double barrel empty lunch box. I was anguished. What the hell is happening? I asked myself, as I was deeply worried about the family values, tradition, culture & discipline all being ignored.

Curious me, rushed inside the house to check where my wife is. As I entered the kitchen, I was shocked to see the scene. I adjusted my fallen jaw, gathered some courage and went close to Smitha and asked her:

Me: OMG, what happened? why are you crying? Honey, what’s the matter?

My wife: (Raised her pitch even higher). Bad news !!! she screamed.

Me: What? Wha ttt..  bad news?

My wife: Srigowri is hospitalized, she has slipped into deep coma!

Me: Aiyyoo!!! what was the problem? what are the doctors saying?

My wife: she has kidney problem. Doctors say, nothing in their hands now, only god can save her.

Me: Very sad, last week only, her husband was hospitalised is it? now Srigowri is also in hospital, Whole family is serious.Who is taking care of Srigowri?  her mother in law is it?

My wife: Chi chi , Srigowri’s mother in law is an evil woman, because of her mother in law’s torture only she is in hospital now. All mother in laws are same, she said it, staring at me!!!

(As things were getting heated up, I slowly tried to escape from the scene.)

Vikki…. Smitha stopped me and said …. coffee?

While I was happy about family values, tradition, culture & discipline being restored, I said, NO honey, it’s OK, you please take rest today. Rulayegi kya pagli? I said with tears in my eyes.What Smitha actually meant was, She expected ME to prepare coffee.

“AGAIN CORRECTION TO DISCLAIMER”

“ACTUALLY, THIS STORY IS BASED ON REAL INCIDENTS OF MY LIFE”, PROMISE. 

Handing over the hot cup of coffee to my wife, I told her not to worry about Srigowri, she will be fine and healthy and will soon be discharged from hospital.

Smitha started crying again like a half broken factory siren and asked me, how do you for sure know that Srigowri won’t die? Smitha asked me to explain.

I said, look it is pure logical calculation. Trust me Smitha, I am a Professor & research scholar, I know the calculation inside out. Srigowri, cannot die. I assure you.

Smitha out rightly rejected my thesis and said, “we all neighbours have discussed about Srigowri’s health conditions whole day standing on the road. Nobody is sure if Srigowri will survive. Corner house kamalakshi and opposite house ambujakshi are experts in such cases, they are saying days are over for Srigowri. I have even discussed Srigowri’s chances of survival with my mother & my sisters over the phone for last 3 hours. No hope. You are wrong Vikki”. Smitha striked back at me with all her usual vigour.

With a low voice, I said, I think Srigowri will survive.

But HOW? Can you explain your stupid logic vikki? She asked me, holding the fully bandaged TV remote in her hand.

I said, honey, because, the serial fully depends on the character of Srigowri , if she dies, TRP of the TV serial  will plunge. The TV channel & the producers will lose money. Take a look at below stock price charts of popular TV serial companies.

screen-shot-2017-01-10-at-3-26-23-pm

These media companies do not manufacture any products nor they are into service industry, they mint money by selling “negative emotions”. The profit margins in this business is very high. The stock prices of these companies are climbing higher & higher.

Paradoxically, the more they make people cry, the more money these companies make. That is the power of drama, sadness & emotional torture. TV serials leveraging heavily on negative emotions are a big addiction which has consumed millions of women. People now have no interest in reading books, music, art work etc all they do is watch these intellectually bankrupt TV serials. Every male citizen of this country should make a firm resolution and demand the Modi government, a complete ban on TV serials. By saying this, I stopped my speech expecting my wife Smitha and my son Aditya to give me a standing ovation for opening their eyes and leading them to light from the darkness.

But then, first floor Saroja aunty jumped in huffing and puffing, she said, it is 7.00 pm, Serial is about to start, in today’s episode Srigowri’s mother in law may send professional foreign thieves to steal 2 kg gold ornaments worn by Srigowri (even on the death bed!).

Will Srigowri wake up from coma and fight the professional thieves like a bat woman?

To be continued

Stay tuned…………..

Disclaimer: Sorry, this is a poor man’s blog, I do not get advertising revenue to continue the story. This is it!

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4 Peas of Marketing

 

Hi there,

Recently I attended a Marketing class on a moving train! Yes, you heard it right. It was on my recent train journey from Mysuru to bengaluru. (Mysuru is a beautiful city 160 Km away from Bengaluru)

The classroom was a moving train and there were no professors with tie, no books, no desks, no PowerPoint presentations & there was no attendance! But the learning was awesome, it taught me lot of marketing concepts.  

Huffing & puffing, as the train picked up it’s speed, I was enjoying the lush green landscape and those moving trees presented to me, as I sat in my window seat. After few minutes, an army of sales executives entered the train trying to sell lot of stuffs like tea/coffee, food items, fruits, fancy items, clothes etc.

These sales executives were performing circus in front of passengers to somehow sell their products. They would pose the products right on the face of passengers, trying hard to lure them to buy by hard pitching the benefits of products and by offering discounts. From what I noticed, customers (my fellow passengers) were not keen on buying everything that came across. People selling tea/coffee did little bit of business. Food & water bottles were not selling at all as many were carrying food boxes & water bottles from home. Indians you know!

The problem I noticed was that lot of sales people were having same products. Example, at least 50 people would come selling tea/coffee. As I was thinking that selling is not easy, the hero of this post Mr.Ere Gowda entered the bogie with a basket full of Peanuts. Oh, peanuts again, who will buy it? I asked myself.

But Ere Gowda did something different, he did not ask people if they want to buy peanuts. Instead he quickly dropped sample peanuts forcefully into the hands of passengers and he kept moving forward into the next bogie. So, now everyone in my bogie had tasted sample peanuts.

Just after 10 minutes, Mr.Ere Gowda arrived back into my bogie with his loud voice saying “Hot crispy peanuts”. That’s it. His peanut basket was empty in few minutes. Me & my fellow passengers could not resist the temptation of fried peanuts and so we quickly grabbed a pack or two. 

Ere Gowda is definitely not a MBA graduate but he was a smart salesman, he knew how to SELL. He did something which other peanut sellers did not do.

To my mind, Ere Gowda got his 4 Ps of marketing exactly right. A casual train journey can teach us so many things.

Ere Gowda taught me many marketing lessons, one peanut at a time!

Cheers

Vikram

 

ZOMATO’S PORN ADDICTION.

ZOMATO’S PORN ADDICTION. 

Will advertising on Porn websites really help ?

Hi,

While I am not too sure if you jumped in here by looking at the eye catchy title of this article,let me disappoint you by saying, there is nothing erotic in this article. 😂

But hold on please, don’t close this webpage yet !!!

In this write up, I would like to discuss about  Zomato’s new advertising strategy which is slightly more than erotic. Yes,you heard it right !

This article attempts to explore Zomato’s recent adventure of advertising about its services on porn websites. 

First, a quick intro about Zomato Ltd:

Zomato is a restaurant search and discovery service founded in 2008 by Deepinder Goyal and Pankaj Chaddah. It currently operates in 23 countries, including India, Australia and the United States.It features restaurant information such as scanned menus and photos sourced by local street teams, as well as user reviews and ratings. The company also provides cashless payment, online ordering, white-label apps, table reservation, and point-of-sale systems.

In simpler terms, Zomato is a mobile app which helps you order online (& pay) to get the food  of your choice delivered to your doorsteps.

Recently, Zomato came up with an ad campaign in which Zomato placed it’s ads on top porn websites which resulted in the sales skyrocketing. After all Sex sells,isn’t it ?

How & why did Zomato hatched such an idea ? Zomato’s market research team figured out following statistics which is mentioned on their blog, read on:

  • People watching porn sites, get more hungry. 👀
  • create something that’ll take people’s eyes off the videos, they’ll click the banner because they’re (obviously) getting hungry now.
  • India ranks #5 in terms of most daily visitors to Pornhub (the world’s biggest porn site network)
  • Outside of Google, Facebook, Yahoo, and e-commerce sites, http://www.Xvideos.com is one of India’s top visited sites
  • The average time spent on the site by Indians is ~8 minutes (yes, really, just 8 minutes (quickgun murugans)
  • Advertising on porn sites are dirt cheap,following is a comparative table:
Platform Average Cost per Click (INR in Rs)
Adwords                                          23.5
Facebook                                          17.5
Xvideos Network                                      1.98 (Lowest)
Facebook app install                                          150
Twitter app install                                          100

Interestingly, it seems like Zomato’s marketing team was very much excited as they have to now visit & watch porn websites for official work. What an assignment !!!

The trickiest part for the ad creating team was to create something catchy which attracts millions of clicks, so here is what Zomato’s ad placed on porn sites looked like:

tumblr_inline_nzdwuaMwa11qb373m_500.png

As it turns out, Zomato got huge response in terms of number of clicks,new app installs which in turn resulted in higher sales. But will it help increase repeat customers and increase in profit margins ? Only time will answer.

On the other side,some of you may argue that such ads are of poor taste and find it morally & ethically wrong. Well it may be,but my doubt is was Zomato desperate to get sales and show profits to please the investors ?

Considering the fact that lot of app based tech startups are under huge financial stress,these companies struggle to perform well on their single most objective, which is increase customer base (at any cost).

The reason behind such an objective is, Venture Capitalists value a tech startup generally based on number of customers acquired and the growth rate in acquiring & retaining customers.This is why startups throw in lot of money in terms of offers,discounts,coupons & “first time free” schemes just to seduce customers.

More customers = more valuation = more money for founders .

We may take a clue from the  stock price performance of info edge ltd (naukri.com) which holds 47% stake in Zomato Ltd.

Screen Shot 2016-04-19 at 4.39.03 pm.png

Whenever there is any positive news about Zomato, you will find the stock price of Info edge ltd getting horny.

While Zomato is facing lot of challenges, it may be focusing on to keep its investors in good humour by trying to acquire new customer base & the porn strategy may be in line with this idea.

Let’s wait & see what happens in the climax scene.

Note:  I may have invested in Infoedge Ltd shares & so my views may be biased & wrong. This article is not an investment advice. It is purely for academic purpose.

Cheers

Vikram

 

The Journey of being a Management Student

What those duck headed boring Professors won’t teach you in classroom.

Every Student who joins MBA/PGDM Programme will have big dreams & expectations from the course in terms of fat salaries, job in top companies, posh lifestyle and a sweet girl/boy friend.

But then, a Management Student carries huge load of stress from ever demanding parents, family & friends.

Following are few questions that haunt a Management Student from different directions:

  • How is the campus placement going on in your institute?
  • Did you get placed in the campus recruitment?
  • What is the salary package offered to you?
  • How much is your Education Loan EMI?

The Journey of a Management Student is completely different from that of other students. The MBA journey teaches you many things than the destination itself can teach you.

Solving Case Studies, classroom presentations, learning business jargons & terminologies, writing business plans, decoding revenue & business models, understanding corporate strategies, acquiring spreadsheet skills, back to back exams, assignments etc. can eventually force you to travel through the different levels before you reach the peak of self-actualization on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs pyramid.

Besides the academic load, it also involves building your resume brick by brick in terms of projects, internships, certifications etc with a strong focus on “CGPA” growth rate.

That said, being a Management Student can be fun & successful, if you have the required skills to manage a project called “LIFE”.

Let me warn you that, this write-up is completely “out of Syllabus”, in the sense, I wish to discuss those very important things which are not taught in a B- School.

Read on……

Don’t have a girlfriend? Get one or else you may fail:

Yes you heard it right, impressing a girl and impressing a interview panel have lot in common. Both make a detailed analysis about you before accepting you.

Very few students experience the sheer thrill of getting a girl / boy say “yes” to their proposal. It requires well refined “Marketing Strategy” with loads of GUTS. Unfortunately, B-Schools won’t teach you how to improve  your “GUTS”

What you may have studied in“Consumer Behavior”and “Business Communication & soft skills” may not really help!!!

If you cannot impress a girl in your life, chances are you do not possess key business skills like cold calling a client, consistently follow up the client till he gives business, accepting & dealing with rejections etc.

Winning a girl friend can teach you great Management lessons.

Dump those Text Books:

 Text books can at max help you pass exams. A text book like “Principles of Business Statistics” cannot teach you how to effectively design business strategies using the data. It only introduces statistical concepts to you.

Instead, read a book like Naked Statisticsby Charles Wheelan and you will know why your Stats professor is not so cute!!! Bingo

Here’s a small list of books a Management Student must read before he moves out of campus:

  • Losing my Virginity by Richard Branson
  • All Marketers Are Liars by Seth Godin
  • When to Rob a Bank by Levit & Dubner
  • Simply Fly: A Deccan Odyssey by Captain Gopinath
  • Stay Hungry Stay Foolish by Rashmi Bansal

There are plenty of valuable books which can shape up your career, find them & read.

Why your “Entrepreneurship” Professor did not become a successful entrepreneur himself?

Have you anytime asked such questions to your Professors? Ask him if you can risk getting low internal exam marks.

The reason according to me is that most of the B –School Professors are neither creative nor risk takers. They are only good at theories and concepts which they have been teaching for ages.

Moral of the story is, being good in understanding theories like “Meaning & importance of Entrepreneurship”, “Screening of Ideas” etc won’t help. So, stop following your dim & dip Professors, take risk, go out & try something new.

Enjoy the taste of failure.

What is the Correlation between number of beer bottles you consume Vs your exam score?

The correlation Coefficient in this case is Zero. So it means, you can party more, drink more and yet score more in your exams.

Get a life & acquire the skills to balance it. Enjoy late night parties but attend all the sessions next day in college. Roam around, watch movies but submit assignments on time. Fight with your friends but ensure you deliver on team projects.

Your Life is not a “Balanced Score Card” created by some one. It should be created by You and only You. It all depends on the Strategy that you adopt to be happy.

By the way, what the hell is your strategy?

Share your stories, I would love to read & share.

Till then, signing off

With Love

Professor Vikram

Disclaimer: This write-up is based on my experience & observations as a Professor. It reflects my personal opinion.